In the past 2 weeks we read a story about 2 friends who parted ways after a 10 year friendship. First we looked at the story through the lens of Liz, the friend who fell in love and forgot her friend somewhat. Then we looked at the story through the lens of Pam, who let her own circumstances cloud her judgement and emotions. In the end, harsh words were spoken, and space was implemented. But can they recover? Read on to find out. (If you missed the first instalments, click here for Liz is in Love. For Part 2; Possessive Pam, click here.)
6 months had passed since the fatal blow at the brunch. Pam had heard nothing from Liz at all, despite numerous emails, texts, letters and voicemails she had sent begging Liz for forgiveness. These attempts at reconciliation only aggravated Liz further. She had requested time and space, and she wasn’t ready to forgive Pam. If Pam couldn’t be happy for her, then she didn’t want selfish friends like that anyway. She wanted to celebrate and enjoy this time in her life. She was moving on, moving up in the world, mingling at couples dinner parties with intellectual debates and charity events. Pam was a page in her past and nothing more.
Initially, Pam had needed time to recover and regain composure too. She needed to reflect on the role she had played in the demise of their friendship, and how her depression and loneliness had fed into this. She had come to realise that she had brought upon herself the very rejection she feared, and it was not an appropriate time for her to express herself. It was, she decided, selfish of her, and so she understood why Liz wanted nothing more to do with her. Of course she tried to explain all of this in her letters and voicemails, but she had no way of knowing if Liz even read them or listened to them. What she did know is that she had to let it go, because there was nothing she could do, and begging was getting her nowhere.
After a few months of trying, so about 3 months after their split, she stopped trying to contact Liz, and put her energies into her health. She started one of those meal box subscriptions and cooked fresh healthy meals instead of frozen dinners, and she walked on the treadmill as she watched tv in the evenings instead of laying in bed. She took a makeup class instead of Sunday Brunch, and actually made a new friend there. This friend encouraged her to give her wardrobe a makeover and put herself on a dating app! She was surprised as the offers started rolling in, and soon, her Friday nights were filled again, albeit with a different man each week! One of her first dates was a lovely, well dressed and well spoken gentleman who was clearly closeted, so Pam told him she hadn’t felt a spark romantically, but would love to continue a friendship with him. Soon after he did come out of the closet, and she was there to support him as they both tried dating men.
Pam still thought of Liz. She wondered about their wedding and often referenced her in conversations and sharing memories and pictures with her new friends, and when they asked more, she often still cried that she wished she hadn’t messed it up so terribly, but that she had grown and learned much from their falling out. She wished Liz happiness, even if she was no longer there to see it, and reassured herself that if Liz was going to have babies, there just wouldn’t be time anymore anyway, so it was for the best.
Liz was busy making wedding plans, so busy she hardly thought of Pam at all. She had vendors to call, music lists to plan, speeches to write, guest gift bags to prepare and honeymoon accommodation to research. But after 3 months of endless visits to different venues, cake tastings and arguments over centerpieces, she had finally chosen a venue and set a date. It was time to send the save the date cards. Only then, did her mind wander back over Pam. She didn’t like thinking about Pam, as she felt a rush of guilt and shame, although she couldn’t quite put her finger on why. Because when she reminded herself that she wanted people to celebrate with her and be happy for her, that sounded reasonable. Yet, somewhere deep down, she knew she hadn’t been reasonable. She knew this was deeper, that she had harbored resentments that Pam was promoted over her, and that was the real reason she was quitting to work in admin at the practice, which was, if she was honest, wildly unfulfilling. So she knew it was somewhat hypocritical of her to accuse Pam of being jealous and unsupportive when she had secretly been feeling the same way. And Dan didn’t know Liz didn’t want kids, or the dog that he envisioned for them both, so she had felt triggered by Pam’s assumption too.
But, she continued to fume, Pam had taken over her life, became friends with her friends, came along to family functions and seemed to have no life of her own, and expected Liz to entertain her and validate her and the expectation was just asking more than Liz had to offer. Plus, Liz wondered, was she standing in the way of Pam finding someone else, by not making room? She supposed she was but reminded herself that Pam had Ben, and wasn’t interested in anyone else. She knew that he had ghosted Pam, but she felt certain that he would be back by now, just another step in the years long dance he did to maintain the distance between him and Pam. She assumed he was married but Pam wouldn’t hear about it so they didn’t discuss him much. Actually, if she was honest, they didn’t talk about Pam much at all. Certainly not her promotion. Not her relationship. Not her goals or dreams for the future….
Liz put aside a save the date card with Pam’s name neatly written on it, but she couldn’t bring herself to send it. When it was time to choose the wedding dress, her mother and her sister were there, but, she realized, the person she most often asked and trusted for fashion advice was not in the room; Pam. And when she and Dan couldn’t agree on their first dance song, or infact whether they would dance at all, she quipped at him that she’d just dance with Pam then that night. That was when it hit her, and she finally felt the loss. “Call her.” Dan said.
Instead, Liz decided to hand deliver the invitation to the wedding herself. Today was Tuesday, but she wouldn’t go today, in case Ben was there. Tomorrow, she’d go after work on Wednesday. What would she wear?.... Nervous all day, she left the practice early to change, and buy flowers. Arriving at Pam’s place, she rang the bell and waited….
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
