Ok ladies, it was only a matter of time before I wrote this little gem! Lol The question, can lesbians and straight women be friends, is up there with the women and men phenomenon. I believe we can, yes! My experiences with straight women have been powerful, wonderful, confusing, heartbreaking and character building, but at the end of the day, many of my closest friends are heterosexual. Sigh. Lol
So what are the rules to making it work straight sisters? First up, tell your friend that you are straight. We want to know, don’t make us ask! That said, only tell us once. We speak the same language, there is no need to tell us every time we get together you homophobe! Lol We get it. You like men.
Can you flirt with your friend? Yes. Should you? You shouldn’t, no. She shouldn’t either. But you both know you will! It’s all good fun, and generally harmless. It is ok to engage in fun flirtation here and there, but don’t take it too far and then get uncomfortable and throw the whole “You don’t have a d*ck” thing in our faces. It is body shaming and it isn’t ok. You knew what we had, (or didn’t have) when you started playing the flirty game, just the same as we knew you were straight. Let’s keep it fun. Oh, and DO NOT flirt with us for the attention of men. Just don’t. Your friend is not an accessory used to pick up men, only to be tossed aside when he shows you some interest. Also.... While I have your attention... Don’t flirt with, or get it on with each other either straight ladies, please? At least not for the attention of men. Lesbianism is a real thing, not a joke, we don’t want to encourage men to think of it as an invitation, ok?
This next point is important. I know you straight ladies often change clothes in front of each other. All my fantasies aside for a minute, (ok, it may take longer than a minute! Lol) I have friends who allow me this pleasure…. I mean privilege! *Clears throat.* Lol I can still give objective advice on what looks good, even if we both know I think you look better in nothing at all. :o Joking aside though, this is a difficult one for us queer girls to navigate. Do we want to be included? Yes. (Understatement! Lol) But please be sensitive to the fact that we may feel embarrassed and be unsure on where to look exactly….. You don’t get to be naked and then upset when we notice that. We will notice! This is probably not the best time for flirtation, and we BOTH need to be mindful of that. (I know we still will, but don’t take it too far ok!) I know you feel sexy and powerful, but keep in mind that may leave your friend feeling undesirable, powerless, small and ashamed. Not to mention frustrated as hell! Your friend’s sexuality isn’t a joke to her, nor is it a toy for you to play with. If you utilize it as a tool for your ego, this may come at great personal expense to your friend. If you know you queer friend has feelings for you, or if you suspect she does (you might be wrong, in fact, you probably are!) respect her and your friendship enough to keep your clothes on.
For the fellow lesbifriends out there, don’t try and get with your straight friends. If you want them to respect your sexuality, you have to respect theirs. If they want to get with you, they will. Lets be real though, they don’t want to. It is all fun, not games. If you want to play games, do so knowing everybody loses and nobody wins. Don’t say I didn’t warn you! Don’t get addicted. Your friend is not a puzzle to be solved or a challenge to be conquered. You don’t need to play so hard if you play to the right audience.
For the straighties, please refrain from exploiting your friend’s feelings. She is not a place holder for a man, and she is not a back up plan. If you want her to buy you drinks and open doors for you, I hope you lead by example. Her crush on you is not “cute.” Please don’t minimize our feelings in this way. She is not a child, she is a grown woman with adult desires. The fact that you don’t reciprocate doesn’t mean you get to laugh in her face as if what she feels is silly. Think of that time the hot guy rejected you? I bet you didn’t find that cute or funny. It hurts ladies. Also, it’s embarrassing. Be real. If you have to reject your friend, do it gently, but clearly, then question if you did anything that may have given her false hope. If you did, stop doing it. Nothing else has to change. Allow herself or yourself space if either of you needs it, but know that you are still the same awesome people you were before.
DO NOT GET DRUNK AND SLEEP TOGETHER. I know many of you will do this anyway, but you both know this is a terrible idea! If you must do it – straight ladies, don’t be a pillow princess, you best give it your best shot!
In essence it all boils down to care and respect. Treat your friend with the respect she deserves, and act in ways you think will be best for HER and not for you. That goes for all friendships really.
Have fun however you play it ladies… Just remember lesbians tend to be drawn to a straight girl like a moth to a flame, but when you play with fire, someone gets burnt.
Your Best Friend ForNever