Ok, I was always going to write about this, even though I know many of you may not relate too well to this one. Still, I maintain it is relevant and important to discuss, however uncomfortably it sits in the air afterwards.
It’s no secret that I am not heterosexual. This post is for those of you who are also queer, for lack of a better word in a broad context, or for those of you who call yourselves friends and allies of the Pride community. It is also for those of you who identify as heterosexual, but often find yourselves having the platonic butterflies referred to as a “Girlcrush.” (A concept I embrace and encourage, but can’t say I fully understand! Lol)
Let’s start by discussing new friendships. You can’t deny that it is somewhat like dating, even if the idea makes you uncomfortable. You meet a girl, you like her, you admire her, you want her to like you. You want to invite her out or ask for her number, but you’re worried if she feels the same way, or if you will seem like a total loser in her eyes. You finally ask for her number and are super excited when you make the first date. Yes, I’m calling it that. Deal with it! Lol You try to look super cute, but not so cute that it looks like you tried to look cute, and you can’t stop smiling the whole date. You gush over how amazing and smart and sexy she is and tell her how much you love her style. Are you flirting? Yes, you are! Afterwards you wonder, should you text her? Is that weird? You really want to see her again. You get butterflies when she texts you back and says she had a great time, as you eagerly text back that you can’t wait to see her again….. The only thing that is different here, generally is that you aren’t calculating how soon you will sleep with her. You may or may not be jealous of her other friends and lovers. Haha
I am sure we can all agree that there is a fine line between friendliness and flirtation, and at best, most of us flirt with flirtation. Almost all my friends and I refer to each other using terms like “Hun, gorgeous, cupcake, sweets, babes, lovely… “and a whole other range of similar sweet talk. Conversations don’t shy away from the “I love you’s,” and it isn’t uncommon for us to remind each other “You are beautiful, sexy, hot etc…” (I really appreciate this straight friends. You know I lap it up, and I appreciate that you aren’t afraid to engage me in this way and trust that I know where the boundaries lie.)
In many ways, it makes sense that we flirt with our friends. By definition it is a harmless word meaning to show interest in someone or something, usually not seriously. Friendship is supposed to be the less serious relationship counterpart, so why not inject some fun and frivolity into it. How would we show people we are interested and that we like them without it? Liking someone is a concept best described with action and intent after all, in any context.
Human nature dictates that we are drawn to people who like us, who make us feel good about ourselves, and flirtation seems a natural way to attract other people for any relationship, including friendship. Added to that, many of us may be in long term relationships, and just miss the playful harmless banter of new beginnings. Many of my friends probably feel safer in flirting with me, or other women in general, because the potential for that flirtation to progress into something more dangerous is limited. Therefore, flirting among friends is considered harmless fun, which makes everybody feel good. This is, of course, assuming that there is no secret curiosities, or sexual intent at play. That is another post all together. Stay Tuned Folks! Lol
Sometimes I wonder if flirtation and friendship aren’t kinda the same thing, with one having more longevity than the other. I guess that is where the term “flirtationships” come from – meaning more than friends and less than lovers. Sometimes a flirtation can lead to a more deep and meaningful friendship, just as in relationships, and you may find the flirtation dies down in favour of deeper interactions. Sometimes the flirtation prevails and even hinders a closer relationship as one or both parties are unable or unwilling to be real and serious. My best flirtationships are the ones with a healthy dose of both cuteness and connection.
Flirtation should be fun for everyone. Don’t play with fire, or with people’s feelings. Be aware enough, of yourself and of your friends to know when it stops being cute and starts being cruel, or when it stops feeling friendly and starts to feel more like a fling.
Are you having any flirtationships?
Your Best Friend ForNever