I have a wonderful friend who hosts an awesome 90’s radio show on a Wednesday evenings on 89.7fm called the 90’s spin with Lee. As such, her research into songs and facts from the 90’s has sparked many conversations between us about that era and what we were doing with our lives before mobile phones and the internet let alone social media.
My post was going to be called Facebook; Friends or Foe, because I love alliteration, but this post is looking to explore the spooky side of social media and the friendships created there, not just on Facebook, but all social media platforms, and just in time for a spooky time of year! Happy Halloween Homies! haha
So my friend Lee and I are both 80’s babies, and were both tweens and teens in the 90’s. It was our time to shine and looking back how simple times really were without all the technology that is around now. Not that either of us would like to go back to that time, but it is still fun to reminisce and share and compare stories, as we didn’t know one another back then! And, as it happens, we did sorta meet online, via a mutual acquaintance. So were it not for technology we wouldn’t even be friends at all!
That said, we both know we got pretty lucky and we each were who we said we were, because the dark side of social media technology is simply that you actually never really know who you are talking to! When Lee and I were between 16-19 years old, is when the internet started taking off in big ways. Those of you old enough to remember will be familiar with the old dial up soundtrack that comes straight to mind from this era!
Lee, being a tiny bit older than me, and a lot more tech savvy than me, was straight into the chat rooms to make online friends, and she described these friends, at the time as some of the most important and influential people in her life. On her 18th birthday for example, she had her online friends write her a birthday sentiment, that she then printed and asked her brother to read aloud to the crowd at her birthday party like old school telegrams. And the messages were from people known only by screen names such as Grug.
Looking back, Lee is quite honest with me as she says she actually really had very little clue who Grug was presenting to be online, let alone who they really were behind the screens, and yet there was this lack of caution, as they shared deep personal information with each other in cyberspace. In some instances Lee shares with me that she even travelled interstate to meet some of these people and stay at their houses! As you’d imagine this didn’t always go smoothly! Luckily, she survived to tell the tale!
But what it brings about in our minds is how quickly we went from “don’t talk to strangers and definitely don’t get into cars with strangers” to “Use the internet to call a stranger to get into the car with.” We mean Uber and such, and obviously safety protocols have come a long way since the 90’s pioneers first started navigating this online world, however at the end of the day, most of us have online friends, and it’s entirely possible that we don’t actually know them at all.
What’s even scarier is that our younger generations are constantly online, on social media and gaming platforms, at a much younger age than Lee and I were as we stumbled into the spaces. And they assume everyone they are playing with or chatting to is a similar age to themselves, which as adults, we know not to be the case. Yet we can’t keep our kids offline in a world that has become tech dependent! So how do we limit who they talk to on these platforms, without limiting their social and emotional growth?
There are all sorts of parenting controls and apps you can install, and if that works for you, then go ahead and use them. But I think the answer lies in communicating our experiences, positive and negative with our kids and about how much of themselves to share, and not to share with anybody online, if you know them in person or not! Talk to them about blocking and reporting anyone who makes them uncomfortable or is threatening, abusive or bullying. And never sharing their location in any way while they are still in that location publicly!
Which is another spooky side of the online world, anyone can message you anything, any time of the day or night and at times this bullying can be so relentless that people feel they can’t escape. Which is what makes the 90’s a nostalgically simple time, because if you didn’t want to be contactable, you didn’t have to be.
Even now, I grapple with social media and what to post/share or what not to. I have friends who like to share everything they do, and I used to do the same. But as I settle and grow older, I more and more relish the privacy that comes with enjoying a meal, event, day or evening out without broadcasting it to the world. It almost feels like a novelty to do something as simple as have a cocktail with a friend and not tell anyone but them! It almost feels naughty, like you are doing something taboo by not advertising or bragging to everyone.
And of course, it can cause upset amongst you and the people who did want to share it. They might feel that you aren’t proud or happy to be seen out with them and don’t want to be part of your dirty little secret. Or they may tag you in their own post and then people with mutual friends see it anyway even if you didn’t accept the tag in your privacy settings! There are also memories and reminders of people, places and things that you might not care to be reminded about, and passive aggressive posts leaving you wondering if that was about you and if you have upset someone. There are online unfriendings which almost certainly translate directly as such to the real world, and updates from people you went to school with that were never even really your friends back then and certainly aren’t now. Do you really want them knowing about everything you post? Do you really care and want to see about them? The dark side is, you kinda do, and you don’t know why…. It unleashes everyone’s inner stalker!
At the end of the day, these platforms are what allow us to stay connected. I can video chat with my friend in Italy, and message my parents when they are away in the UK, and see the day to day updates of the antics of my friend’s bunny in Texas. It allows me to feel less lonely and more connected to the people I care about, so I wouldn’t want to be without it.
But I also wouldn’t want anyone to forget that it definitely has it’s dark side. To be careful who you friend, who you talk to, what you share, who you share it with and who you do or don’t tag when you do! It’s a minefield, so watch your step! You might step on some landmines, but you also might find some treasures, as I did with Lee, so maybe overall the risk is worth the rewards?
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
