You may have gathered from my posts that I have a tendency towards being a little on the intense side, always pondering and contemplating. This is something I actually like about myself, but I wont deny that it can make me a little serious, or at least it can make me come across as someone who could “lighten up” a bit.
I have always believed that intimacy was the key to friendship, and usually that is no laughing matter. Recently though, I have reached the conclusion that lighthearted banter and laughing can indeed inspire deep friendships, no less meaningful from the intense intimate ones I am used to. This really did surprise me, although it shouldn’t have I don’t suppose.
I tend to compartmentalise my friendships. The ones I really talk to, the ones I listen to, the ones in similar circumstances or with similar interests, and the ones I laugh with. That isn’t to say I never laugh with the ones I talk to or never share interest with the ones I laugh with, of course at times I do. But each friendship tends to have a dominant quality which lands it in the category it is in. If I really need to vent I will contact someone in the first group, or if I need to chill and relax I’ll contact someone from the last 2 groups. This works for me, and I recommend it.
However, after returning home from a friend’s place last night, laden with thoughtful xmas gifts that I loved, I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. Not only from all the presents, and the thought and time that went into them, but also from the great night we had just shared, filled with laughter. It wasn’t that anything particularly funny had happened, yet somehow we had spent the whole night laughing.
It dawned on me that we always laugh. It doesn’t seem to matter if we are at home, at a comedy show or bingo, wherever we are, there is always laugher. Perhaps it is because we both share a heavily sarcastic sense of humour, or maybe it is because we share similar “realistic” life views, but I like to think it is just because we enjoy being together.
It certainly isn’t because we can’t talk about anything real, as I would have assumed. I love the way our real conversations are littered with lightness somehow, and once discussed the issues faced suddenly don’t seem as heavy. There isn’t judgement and each of us is free to be ourselves fully, and there is support and encouragement of each other to be the best that we can be, as people and in whatever our hearts desire.
As I reflect on friendships past, passed and lost, it is those with the most laughter that I feel I miss the most…. And I have to wonder if that is because these are the most easily lost, not because they lack value, but because I have failed to recognise their value? Perhaps I have subconsciously labelled these types of friendships as transient and easily replaceable? Certainly I am guilty of thinking these types of people don’t delve into the depths that I require to form intense bonds with them.
In reflection that really isn’t true, although it would be fair to say they open up more slowly and cautiously, using humour as an escape if things get uncomfortably deep. This is probably quite emotionally healthy and allows a balance sometimes lacking in my other connections. While I have friends to turn to when I really need to delve deep, and I love these friends more than words can express, I think I need to lighten them by making more effort to inject some fun and laughter into our time together. After all if they get too heavy, they may just sink, which would be devastating. Plus, when nobody has anything deep to share, maybe there is nothing to say?
There are certain friendships which seem to wane when drama or negativity escapes us, and although this ebb and flow of friendships is normal, I have to accept accountability for not making the effort to make those friendships more fun so the other person is motivated to seek out my company for entertainment not just emotional support.
I know this isn’t always possible, maybe the friends who understand you the most are not the ones with shared interests or humour, and the ones with shared humour may not always be able to provide you the intense sincerity you need at any given time. That said, it will be my new years resolution to try. To extend the friendships I have to make them even more enjoyable and well balanced.
I have always expected that love will lead to laughter, but thank you to the friends who have taught me that laughter can indeed lead to love. I love all of you, and look forward to laughing 2019 away with you soon.
Happy New Year Folks. Live, Laugh, Love.
Your Best Friend ForNever