An Open Letter to my New Friendships

As this newest chapter in my life rolls around, filled with more self-awareness than ever before, I am excited to embark on new friendships.  These may be new friendships with wonderful new people or newer more healthy friendships with existing friends.

New friendships; I am excited by the possibilities you hold, and all I hope you will be in contrast to my older more negative patterns of relating to others in the name of friendship.  Where old friendships were unbalanced and heavy, you will be balanced. You will have equal parts fun and enjoyment as you provide support and empathy. 

Where I failed to exist, to express my needs and to ask for reciprocation; you, new friendships, will not exist without said reciprocation. I will show up to new friendships freely, and share of myself and my life in equal parts that I listen and share in the lives of the others in these new friendships.

Where I was frightened of abandonment in the past, I will no longer be operating under that undercurrent of fear. People will be welcome in my life and free to leave without judgement or explanation if they so choose, as I embrace the natural ebb and flow of closeness and embrace the freedom that comes when people do leave. I may also choose to leave, for friendships are optional not obligational. (Oh how I love making up words to suit myself! Haha) 

Where in the past I was the sole planner, in the future I will allow others the space, and time to make plans with me too. I will be confident that if they want to spend time with me they will. If they don't I will enjoy the silence and the time spent in my own company. 

Speaking of time, I will expect some consistent time and attention to new friendships, regardless of the other party's situation. Maybe you are single, or married, or divorced, or poly, or a single parent, or pregnant, or moving further away, or working full time, part time, or casual, or retired, or not working, or a stay at home parent...Maybe you’re even a  purple monkey with pink polka dots, lol. I will be supportive with all of that and any changes along the way as long as you still make time for our friendship; the good times and the bad, and make an effort to keep in touch.

We both will!

We both will!

I am so relieved when I think of the balance you will offer and how all the effort wont have to come from me. I am excited about how welcoming you will be, and how I wont have to second guess all our interactions and overthink them because we trust each other to say what we mean and mean what we say.

Of course, that trust will take time to develop, as will you, new friendship, because that is the natural order of things. I look forward to exploring each other and unfolding and finding areas where we match and areas where we differ. I look forward to being slowly more vulnerable and less perfect and trusting in your positive intentions towards me as you earn that trust. I imagine you opening up slowly too. We will be drawn together for our strengths and not because of our weaknesses or state of crisis.

When one of us is in crisis, I look forward to the moments of support, but also the unwaivering empowerment that comes with believing in one another and reassuring each other that we can handle these things on our own; although we will never be alone!

Empowerment. So much I look forward to about that. About not competing or comparing, but cheering each other on, as though her success is my own and vice versa. Together we succeed. We never fail, we just keep trying.

Of course things wont always be rosy and I look forward to the freedom to be wrong and the ability to apologise and forgive and grow from things together. We will learn from our mistakes and then work to correct them and hear the other person even when it hurts… as the truth often does. You will be just as self–aware and open to self-reflection as I have become.

I am excited to like each other for who we are. Because we will both know who we are. While I do hope I will see a positive reflection of myself in your eyes, and yourself in mine, that reflection will be earned and based on similar interests, values, trust, love and understanding. The reflections will show us as beautifully imperfect as we both know we are. 

Your consistency will be appreciated as will your honest compliments and love which I will embrace and not deflect.

Our open and honest communication will be loving and supportive and non-judgmental. It will be genuine. It will be light even in the heavy moments as both of us have a handle on our own insecurities, self-esteem and self-worth. We enjoy supporting each other and hearing one another.

The thing that excites me most, what I am trying to say is; that we will like each other! We will want our friendship, but neither one of us will need it! We will not depend on it, or one another. The beauty found in you new friendships, lies in the choice. The choice to enjoy and embrace this friendship for no other reason than that it brings us both joy, and if that stops, so do we. And that is ok! There will be other new friendships to embrace along the way, because, well, life happens. 

❤ Love
Your Best Friend ForNever