Recently I wrote some posts about when you want to be more than friends and alternatively when your friend wants to be more than friends, to cover both the angles. That seemed pretty comprehensive, but on reflection there is actually this awkward third category “when they think you want to be more than friends…”
The “they” in this scenario can easily be the friend who insists that you have a crush on them even though you don’t, or it could refer to other friends and family who seem unable to comprehend, accept or trust that you are happy with a platonic connection with someone.
This is an awkward position to be in because the person in question is your friend. You don’t want to take anything away from them by stating that you don’t find them attractive, and this is even trickier if the accusation is coming from the friend themselves. Even if it isn’t, it is possible to remain friends with someone conventionally attractive and yet not want something romantic from them.
Perhaps that person has traits or qualities that you would not tolerate in a partner, however much you enjoy them as a friend. If you want to keep them as a friend you certainly don’t want to point these out or focus on them heavily when they don’t impact your friendship. The same is true if you don’t feel that you share the same core values or beliefs that would be important to you as a partner but are irrelevant as a friend.
Of course perhaps it is even more uncomfortable to be confronted with this situation when there really isn’t a reason. Maybe it is chemistry, or maybe it is circumstantial or maybe your timing with them has never been right. Whatever the reason, it is tricky to deny you have feelings for someone without hurting that person or taking away from your friendship.
If you find yourself in the awkward third category, my advice is say nothing! Anything you say or do can and will be used against you! If you protest or get defensive it only strengthens their case against you and if you smile or laugh you seem guilty as charged. Redirect the conversation or simply say “I’ve never thought about it” and move on.
You don’t have to justify why you like someone or why you don’t, not to them and not to anybody else. Feelings don’t always make sense and trying to explain them is futile. Matter of fact, you can say that if you want! At the end of the day, does it really matter if people think you have a crush on someone even if you don’t? Maybe they need to believe that to feel better about themselves? It seems harmless. Unless they have a crush on you…. In which case refer back to the other 2 category posts!
The important thing to remember is that nobody else gets to tell you how you feel. You know your truth, hold onto that and hold your head up high. Keep being true to yourself, conducting your friendships the way you feel comfortable and take it as a compliment that people think your friendship style is above and beyond! Go you!
Your Best Friend ForNever