10 Things that make Friendship Sweeter than Easter and Eggs!

1. You can enjoy them all year round.

2. You don’t (usually) have to share your friends with your kids/colleagues/family.

3. You can celebrate friendship regardless of faith/religion/beliefs.

4. While they are moreish, 1 or 2 (or 5) is plenty.

5. You can have as many as you like, the more you have the healthier you feel!

6. If your friend is a good egg, they are sweet on the inside, but good for you.

7. Friendships have no expiration date. (Not visible ones anyway!)

8. Quality friendships are free, if chosen wisely.

9. Nobody has to pretend to be a rabbit, or anything else that they aren’t! You can just be yourself!

10. Friends can share the chocolate, twice the fun and half the calories!

HAPPY EASTER READERS! HOPE YOU CELEBRATE WITH FRIENDS!

Fun Friendly Easter Hunt

Okay, okay, I know we have a few weeks yet til Easter. I know you don’t want to think about it yet and you were annoyed when those hot cross buns started hitting the shelves straight after new year! I get it, honestly, I do. But the reason I am posting this now, is because it takes a bit of preparation to do an awesome easter hunt!

You might use these ideas for your kids or your family, but the best group to do this for is your peers! That way clues can be personal or amusing or adults only themed for a laugh, or they can be hard. If you do a kiddy version the clues have to be easier and less intensive. But it is of course up to you.

It’s the kind of activity where it is easier to work backwards. So you might hide a big egg or box of chocolates or whatever in a locked treasure chest, or even a suitcase used as a treasure chest. Then you place it very clearly in the room with a note on top outlining their quest to find the key or code. The note should contain some sort of clue. Example “Start at the place with windows and space, where you can enter and escape, but there are no doors.” (The answer is keyboard so that will take them to the keyboard where you can place your next clue.)

an example of a clue to start

It is up to you if you want to leave a little chocolate there, or make all the clues chocolate related. You can use props if you have them like diaries with keys that need to be found to unlock the next clue, children’s toy safe’s that need codes to be figured out to be opened. You can be creative and use balloons as colour codes or riddles for codes instead of clues. You can use puzzle boxes and trick locks and all sorts of fun cool tools to take it more to escape room level.

Another great idea is to use google forms to generate the questions so that they have to type in the answers. Beware though if you choose this option it is extremely case sensitive so one word answers are best. You then create a QR code that takes them to each clue to submit their answers. There are plenty of freeqr code generators. This is fun, but time consuming, and I recommend a practise run so you can troubleshoot any mistakes!

They might find a balloon in one place, with a qr code, which eventually takes them to another balloon – but at one puzzle the code might be colours so the answers will depend on them remembering which order they found the balloons, or they might have numbers on the balloons for example.

I find it helpful to draw a kind of flow chart, which starts at point a, has a reference to the clue at point B, then flows to point C etc… And if you are using QR codes, you can literally place them anywhere, like at the park down the road or under the table at the restaurant, even if you only subtly stick it there yourself when you arrive.

Clues can range from personal such as “what year was I born?” so you can get to know each other better or test your knowledge, to riddles where the answer might be “tissue” and then the next clue is in the tissue box. They can have a theme, such as all risqué clues and riddles, or all about a certain topic, movie or era.

Some idea’s I have used in the past include hiding small keys inside frozen heart ice blocks, using a kids toy jewellery box that you create a colour code to open, a diary where you need a password to open it. I have done red white and green balloons with numbers on them and a clue about the Italian flag, so they had to put the colours in order to get the code. I have used luggage locks both with a key and with a code. I have used puzzles so they have to solve the puzzle to get the answer. I have used mirror text clues, and picture clues and word maze clues.

I have had endings where the key is actually in my coat pocket, or their handbag for example all along. I have done ones in the house and ones on the road where I plant the codes as we go, if we are going from place to place.

I have even usually got hints, that are also clues and riddles, though easier to solve. Some clues have rhymed, some are timed, some are blind! (Braille)

What helps is thinking about where you want to sequence the clues, and then thinking of riddles or things that will bring them to that spot.. So if you want the second clue location to be mailbox, you can find a clue where the answer is mailbox and then place a locked diary in the mailbox with a qr or clue on top that will tell them to leave no stone unturned in searching for the key. Because maybe you have placed a key inside a fake stone at the foot of the mailbox or in the stone garden? Once they find the key, they can open the diary and that contains a clue for the meter box maybe. Anywhere you like!

Phones and chargers can be good for this, just set them so that when they crack the code, the lock screen or screen it opens to is the next clue, and for added effect, have the phone be dead. Then at some point they find a charger, and later on they find a phone and they know they have to plug it in to get the answer.

It’s really fun, it puts the magic back in easter and you get to be like big kids again hunting for eggs left by the easter bunny! But it does take planning, and then you know the answers. But don’t let that fool you. Sometimes it is MORE satisfying for the people who set up the hunt than those doing it!

Have fun with this, and let me know how it goes! I would love any new tips or tricks to try with my friends and family too!

❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx

Happiest 40th Birthday To You, Schmoo! xx

Well readers, someone very special to me is about to turn 40 somewhere in the next 24 – 48 hours. This person is a lot of things in my life, and is often my muse. This poem post is for you Schmoo.

Sometimes you’re my child,
As I spoil you with gifts,
Sometimes you’re my counsellor,
When I’m plagued with “What If’s?”

Sometimes your my mother,
Pulling me back in line,
Sometimes you’re my teacher,
New life lessons all the time.

Sometimes you’re my lightness,
When my world feels heavy and dark,
Sometimes you’re my jester,
When I’ve lost my spark.

Sometimes you’re my cheerleader,
Encouraging me along,
Sometimes you’re the only place,
Where I feel like I belong.

Sometimes you’re my enemy,
As harsh words fly back and forth,
Sometimes you’re my teammate
As together we’re quite the force.

Sometimes you’re my lover,
Because who doesn’t like to flirt,
Sometimes you’re the main meal,
Although we both prefer dessert.

Sometimes you’re my handyman,
Rocking up with all your tools,
Sometimes you’re my clown,
As we roll around like fools.

Sometimes you’re my date,
We always have such fun,
Sometimes you’re my punching bag,
When I need to hurt someone.

Sometimes you’re my caretaker,
When I am feeling down,
Sometimes you’re my nanny,
When I am out of town.

Sometimes you’re my cleaner,
Because I’m such a mess,
Sometimes you’re my pawn,
In life’s game of chess.

Sometimes you’re my pet,
Providing love and support,
Sometimes you’re my energy,
When I’m running short.

Sometimes you’re my distraction,
When life is all too much,
Sometimes you’re my drug,
When I need a crutch.

Sometimes you’re my muse,
When I’m feeling uninspired,
Sometimes you’re my downer,
When I’m feeling far too wired.

Sometimes you’re my water,
Sustaining all my life,
Sometimes we’re so close,
We call each other wife.

Sometimes you’re my map,
When I’m feeling lost,
Sometimes you’re my director,
When I need a boss.

Sometimes you’re my blanket,
When I’m feeling cold.
Sometimes you’re my sister,
When I need a hand to hold.

Sometimes you’re my tissue,
When I just need to cry,
Sometimes you’re my motivator,
Willing me to try.

Sometimes you’re my love,
When it’s got no place to go,
Sometimes you’re my yes,
When you’d much rather be a no.

Sometimes you’re my safety net,
When I’m feeling scared,
Sometimes you’re my mirror,
When my soul is bared.

Sometimes you’re my diary,
All my secrets shared,
Sometimes you’re my escape,
When I’m pulling out my hair.

Sometimes you’re my dancefloor,
When I want to bust a move,
Sometimes you’re my jumpstart,
When I’ve lost my groove.

Sometimes you’re my youth,
When I’m feeling naughty,
Sometimes you’re my oldest friend,
Especially now you’re 40!

Sometimes you’re my everything,
Other times you’re not.
Every time you are my friend,
The best one that I’ve got!

Thank you for your friendship
I hope it never ends,
I know I am your sometimes too,
Because we are best friends.

Happy Freaking 40th, my Fabulous Fantastic Friend. I know I am very fortunate to call you a friend. Every. Single. Time.

❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx

Thank you for being whale beneath my wings!! hahahaha <3

To buy this painting head to https://www.icanvas.com/canvas-print/elephant-on-whale-coc36#1PC6-40x26

How to cope after the Fri-Ending.

Well readers, most of my loyal fans and followers found this site when they went through a friendship break up, dumping or ghosting. So I hope it helps to know you are not alone. However, what would help more perhaps, was some tips on coping and surviving this unique heartbreak.

I don’t want to mislead you into thinking any of this will be easy… it won’t be. It will take work, you will fall off the healing wagon at times and take as many backwards steps as forwards ones initially…. But as time goes on, and your heart slowly heals, you will start making so much progress you barely notice any more. I know that is hard to believe right now.

And that is ok, because the first step is the most natural one. Allow yourself to be sad. Don’t tell yourself it is silly or stop yourself from talking about this or it will weigh on you longer and fester. Let it all out. Find a trusted person to talk to or even a therapist and listen to your heart as it bleeds out the pain. Talk about how betrayed you feel, how angry, hurt, sad and confused you are.

It will be hard not to dwell on what happened or why, and accept that you may never know why. Try to refrain from blaming yourself. If you had said or done something to upset or hurt your friend, and they wanted you to fix the issue, they could have brought it up with you. At this point it was their choice not to. And you have to respect that this is their choice to make and their boundary to draw, even if you don’t understand why.

Of course, you may have been the one to instigate the break, or maybe it was mutual. This advice still stands for you as I know it still hurts just as much. It’s just that you are less likely to get hung up on the why’s, as you probably have a fair idea already. And when you don’t know why, it is easier to hate and blame yourself.

Either way this is unproductive. It doesn’t matter why, because if they wanted you to apologise or fix it or be better, they would have offered you that opportunity. As they haven’t, all you can do is know you would have tried, if you’d understood the problem, and accept they didn’t want to try. You can’t control this, but it can help you stop blaming yourself. It is ok to be angry about this and feel it is unjust!

That said, as you explore these issues, if you do contemplate things you may have said or done, or didn’t say and do, that may have contributed to the split, be open to exploring those, and using them as tools to reflect on how to be better in the future. Not being defensive and justifying those actions, but thinking of ways you could handle things differently in the future. You weren’t perfect, nobody is, so if there are things you could work on, it makes sense to try, so you don’t end up in this predicament again!

Once you feel you have talked it out (preferably to impartial persons not common friends as this puts them in a very uncomfortable and difficult position) start focussing on your health. Redirect your thoughts away from them as much as possible and onto yourself. How to look after yourself, be that exercise more, eat healthily, have more time with your family, rest more, and do more things you enjoy. It is important to start feeling good about yourself again, before you embark on the next step.

Which is putting yourself back out there and getting social again with other people. New friends, old friends, family friends. It is ok to start smiling again and realising that you are going to be ok. You can have fun and friendships still, and you will be happy, one day at a time. As the days turn into weeks and the weeks turn into months, and the months turn into years, you will think about this person less, and it won’t hurt anymore when you do think of them.

Which is when you know you have reached the final stage. This involves acceptance and forgiveness. This means you have reached a point where you understand their choice was about themselves and not yourself. That although you think you would have handled things differently, you know that this was their capacity, and you forgive them for not being better.

It doesn’t mean running into them won’t sting, or that you will be able to be mature and say hello. I hope you can, however, pretending you didn’t see each other to keep the peace is acceptable too. What it means, is that you no longer feel a need for answers, that if you hear about them through mutual friends, you feel happy for them, or nothing much at all, and you just think of them as someone you used to know.

The most important thing, apart from not blaming yourself, is to not involve mutual friends. Especially if you want to hold on to those connections. People instinctively want to stay out of these sorts of drama’s that aren’t their business and will pull away from anyone who tries to drag them into it. Similarly, they will not appreciate feeling pressured to take sides. So if you do happen to have a wide network of extended friends, then the best you can do is to tell them that you and your ex friend are not on good terms right now, so you would appreciate that topic of conversation being avoided, and that you respect their connection with the other person. This is applicable no matter which party you are. Neither should rally the troops against the other.

If it happened to be a group friendship… prepare yourself for the trips or nights out that don’t include you on social media. Unfollow anyone posting that stuff and refrain from looking it up yourself. It will only hurt you. The mature approach is to remind yourself that of course these friends will still catch up, and it is best for everyone that you both aren’t there. But there is no reason you can’t coordinate your own get togethers without them either. If the group are interested in maintaining both friendships, this shouldn’t be a problem. If they aren’t, then you have your answer and you move on quietly with your dignity intact!

I will close this post the same way I opened it. You are not alone. It is hard to talk about friendship endings as there is no real language, but it hurts and your feelings are still valid. The reason this blog exists is because I have been through it. So I know you will get through it too, even though I know you will have times that you don’t know how this could be true!

If you’re going through this right now, I truly am sorry. Whatever age or stage of life you are in, this happens to the best of us. There is no way to know if you will ever be friends again, but just know you will be ok whatever happens in the end.

❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx

Friends who love and accept you, just the way you are.

I have posted before about making friends with people who bring out the best in you, and being mindful of the fun, but also dark friendships that tend to maybe bring out the worst in you too. I stand by those posts, however, today I want to talk about the friends who always love and accept you just the way you are.

These are the friends who know your new year’s resolution is always to hit the gym, but they don’t love you any less, if you don’t do it. They certainly encourage you if you do. They do not sabotage you. But if you decide not to stick with it, they don’t pressure you either. It is your life and they are not invested in the change, because they love you either way.

These are the friends who know you have a short temper when you are stressed, but they still give you the honest truth when it isn’t what you want to hear, and don’t hate you if you get cranky about it. They’re not your punching bag, but they also understand sometimes you get mad, and they aren’t scared off by that, or by you. They love you, all of you, the pro’s and cons.

These are the friends who support you when you need it. They listen to you and validate your feelings even when they are a bit extreme and the ones who help you when you are in a bind, just because they can, not because they get anything out of it.

These are the friends who are not embarrassed when you order a hot chocolate because you don’t like coffee or the friends who dance with you on the dance floor even though you are as unco-ordinated as a baby giraffe!

These are the friends who sit with you when you are sad and don’t tell you not to be sad. They don’t tell you everything is going to be ok. If they can’t help you fix it, they sit with you until you are ready to smile again.

These are the friends who laugh with you even when you aren’t that funny, and not at you when other people are laughing at you. They cry with you too.

These are the friends who don’t call you needy or insecure, but ask you how they can better meet your needs so you can feel more secure. They offer reassurance when you need it and care enough to try.

These are the friends who read you like a book. They tell you that you are just predictable, but nothing is predictable without first spending time observing and investing in it. They have invested.

These are the friends who hang out with you when you are broke, who are happy to just go for a drive or sit on your couch and watch tv. The friends with whom the silence is comfortable.

These are the friends you can talk about anything and everything with. They wont judge you when you have horrible spiteful thoughts and wont care if you have your pyjamas on. They have seen you dressed up and dressed down and they always have a positive word to say.

These are the friends that are there for you no matter the weather. They have lasted more than a season and seem to be beyond reason. They just like you, no matter what.

These are the friends that proudly tag you on social media, and celebrate your connection publicly, and the ones who like and follow all your stuff no matter how random or boring it is to other people.

These are the friends who know your family and make an effort with them.

These are the friends who notice when you are quiet and reach out to see if you are ok.

These are the friends who know when you are not ok even if you don’t say so.

These are the friends who don’t stomp on your dreams and always find ways to include themselves in your future. They grow with you not from you. These are also the friends who try to understand your past.

If you have friends like these, you have all the friends you need.

I hope you have friends like these. Thank you to mine. You know who you are!

❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx

The Backwards Step… Moving from more than friends and back again!

Hey loyal readers, as you know, in February we focussed on the friendzone and getting out of it, then last week we talked about how to move your friendship into romantic territory if the confessed feelings were reciprocated and you ventured into new exciting territory. However, as you may well have discovered, the fantasy doesn’t always live up to the reality. So what happens if one of you decides that actually, you were better off as platonic friends? Is there any way back to where you were?

There is good news and bad news here. First of all, it might depend on if this decision was mutual. If you happened to be the person longing for your friend romantically for quite some time, and then all your dreams came true when they said yes… if they then changed their mind, my goodness that will hurt. It will not be easy to transition back into platonic territory. The hurt party may need some space and that in itself can be a true test of friendship.

Friendships are hard to maintain when one person actively needs space from the other, as it has no definite ending and it leaves both of you feeling disconnected and a bit uncertain, so it is easy for not talking for a while can turn into never talking again. For that reason, it is important to try and check in with one another from time to time to show you do care, you are thinking of them and do want to remain friends when both of you are ready. 12 months is a pretty good time frame to take to focus on yourselves and other relationships and allow wounds to heal.

Whether or not you take any space, it will be important to spend less time together. You cannot simply hang out the way you used to and think lack of physical intimacy will be enough. You can’t continue to be each other’s go to person. You can’t be each other’s plus one, even if you used to be before when and if you were friends before you started a romantic relationship. That said, physical intimacy needs to end too. You must maintain clear boundaries.

Boundaries around emotional connection, physical connection, financial connection and time spent all need to be firm. In a past post about moving from friendship to romance, I suggested if you had always watched horror movies on Friday nights for example that you continue to do so. However, in this situation, it is important to break those habits and not continue to do things that you have always done. You need to start breaking apart, and then building a brand new friendship.

It is unlikely you can be close immediately, you will need to be sensitive about certain information, for example if either of you either start dating anyone, or if one is seemingly doing better than the other. Space, boundaries and sensitivity, and starting again slowly and getting to know each other again, all mean that you cannot just “stay friends.”

A break up hurts people, it changes them. So you might not cope the same, you might not recognse each other and you cannot stop each other from growing by insisting that you stay close or stay who you are. If you are really going to  be friends, you each have to feel free to be as you are and grow, while feeling that your friend has no attachment to you being a certain way or expectation of the friendship.

Then, as time goes on you have to create enough space for new partners to come and go, and respect their feelings about you remaining close with your ex. It is ok to stay friends, however if time with your partner is not prioritised because you are always with the ex, and holding space for them and their problems, then the emotional intimacy has not dissipated enough for you to move on.

Essentially, in time this is important. You cannot bounce back to each other as some sort of emotional back up plan, or stand in each other’s way of finding a fulfilling relationship. You cannot block each other from moving on, and that can happen unintentionally if you try to stay too close for comfort.

So if you want to take space and grow a new friendship, that is wonderful. However if you want to hold on incase you never find someone better, hedge your bets so to speak or are frightened to let go because some sort of dependence has developed… you probably can’t stay friends. Because people aren’t security blankets. If you have chosen not to be together, then at least for a time, don’t be.

Then you can grow a beautiful friendship and you might be glad you did. It isn’t impossible, but it does take time, forgiveness, understanding, space, willingness, intent and patience. And often, for someone, swallowing of ego and pride. Only you will know if it is worth the time and effort this takes. And either way, one day, it will be ok, no matter how hard and awkward and painful and scary it might all feel as you navigate it.

Remember, this was a risk you took when you deviated from the platonic path to begin with to explore a romantic relationship. There are no guarantees. But you decided it was worth the risk, so now it’s time to see if that is true! Good Luck.

❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx

Moving from Friends to More than Friends

Ok, so this being the month of love, we have talked about the friendzone. But what if you are one of the lucky people out there who confessed their love to their best friend and actually had your dreams come true when they said they actually did feel the same way? What now? How do you transition into something more?

You’d always dreamed it would be amazing and effortless and you’d just fall into one another’s arms and melt time away with magical kisses and romantic dates right? And yet, in reality, acting differently toward your friend can actually feel really bloody awkward! For a start you are probably excited and want to tell your bestie…. Except they already know. So who will you talk to now?

Step one, find a new friendship to level up, as you need someone to talk to and vent to. The idea that you will never need more or never fall out with your perfect person is about to evaporate, and you may start seeing benefits of being just friends that you could not see when you were busy hoping for more. Not that I am saying your relationship is doomed to fail, but I wouldn’t go putting all your friendship and relationship eggs all in that same one basket.

This adjustment, as you both turn and share with other people, may be the first hurdle to jump as you transition into a relationship and it is normal to miss feeling like you were always the person they confided in and turned to. But it is also normal and healthy to nurture other connections and grow a new level of trust that wasn’t necessary before.

The next thing is to take your new boo out on a date! You have probably been out a million times before, but yet this time it might feel really strange and a bit awkward. Can you hold their hand? Should you? Yes, you should, because it is all too easy for the relationship to stall if you coast on easy street and rest on your withstanding friendship to carry you through. If you don’t act differently, you wont feel differently and you will just kind of stay stuck calling it a relationship but not actually behaving as though it is one. So bring flowers, dress nice and confidently initiate physical touch and flirtation.

It is normal to feel a little embarrassed about flirting in this manner, even if you have always been flirtatious. There is a difference between banter for a laugh and actual flirting that leads to more! But do it anyway, that little rush of embarrassment is just because you care. Your friend liked you based on who you are as a friend, so those nerves come from feeling unsure if they will still like you in this new light! Remember you don’t know if you will like them either, so just see what happens!

The last thing to remember is to have fun! If there are things you always did, then still do those things. If you always watched horror movies on Friday nights, then do that. You don’t have to replace old patterns with new ones, you just have to grow them to include more romance and intimacy. If you suddenly always have heavy discussions about the relationship, then it might start to feel too heavy and not enjoyable like it used to be and that fun is what created the spark in the first place!

I can’t promise it will all work out to happily ever after, but at least you know you can always transition back to being just friends again if the romance fizzles…. Or can you? Stay tuned next week to find out!

❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx

Getting Out Of The Friendzone

Ok, so the week before my GALentines/PALentines post, we touched on the friendzone. In that post, I said that there was no escaping this, and that stands true. So how can this post be about getting out of the friendzone if it is not possible? Am I about to contradict myself and offer you some false hope? Unfortunately, no, I am not.

This post is about removing yourself from the friendzone rather than escaping it. At first glance, these 2 things sound remarkably similar, don’t they? However, on further investigation they are actually quite different.

If you  were drawn to this article, I have it on pretty good authority that you currently live in your own torturous hell of wondering if your friend likes you romantically in the ways you like them. You might be high on a cocktail of hope and despair, or even making up lies we tell ourselves to fuel the hope. These lies include telling yourself that your friend is just scared to admit they have feelings for you, or that they aren’t ready for a relationship just yet, but when they are, you will be up for consideration and being a great friend until then will increase your chances.

All this does is exchange a dream of future happiness that is unlikely to eventuate, for happiness you could be experiencing right now. And that is the difference between removing yourself from the friendzone and escaping it. Removing yourself entails letting go of the fantasy that one day you and your friend will end up together, and accepting that you won’t. The odds aren’t in your favour and your life isn’t a rom com. Sorry.

I know you think you CAN’T let go. If only your pesky feelings would go away, then maybe you could move on? But in reality, you can let go, you just don’t want to. You have idolised this person and romanticised your friendship so much that anything less than the amazing bond you share with your friend just wouldn’t be as exciting or intense. Do you know why? Because fantasy is always better than reality. But we can’t live there.

So, then, HOW do you let go? It won’t be easy. I know that. But it will be worth it, and you might be able to maintain the friendship too, if you are committed enough to letting the feelings go. What you have to do, is take all that amazing love you have about your friend, and how amazing it would be if they loved you back, and start loving yourself that way. Catch your thoughts. When you think thoughts like “Her hair is amazing” redirect yourself to remind yourself what you love about you. When you feel butterflies at his touch, remind yourself how much you want to feel those things with someone who is just as excited about you in return.

This repeated action should cure your affliction for your friend without tarnishing your relationship. It doesn’t ask you to focus on the negatives, but simply to remind yourself that you are awesome too and deserve someone who notices that and does not leave you guessing.

Sometimes in order to fully let go, you might have to disclose your feelings to your friend, as a way to release them or as a way to hear the painful truth and put all hope to rest. Sometimes you may need to take space from them to hurt. Sometimes you may part ways. But it doesn’t have to be that way if you just redirect your thoughts away from your friend. And as soon as you do, I bet you will notice all the other potentially wonderful and available people out there who could be right for you.

Currently you are closing yourself to any potential and it is making YOU unavailable. Try not to judge your friend for not having feelings and definitely don’t blame yourself either. At some point a friend of yours may one day have feelings for you too that you don’t reciprocate, so handle yourself with as much grace as you would hope if you had to let a friend down romantically.

If you find yourself spiralling into dak thoughts like “I am too fat, nobody will love me” those are just your insecurities challenging you. You can take some time to work on yourself if you think you could lose a bit of weight. Not because someone else will like you better, but because you will like you better. Not to mention that the better you look and feel, the higher quality of mate you might attract too.

At the end of the day, you actually put yourself in the friendzone by refusing to let go of hope that your friendship will be more than it is, and you have the ability to remove yourself too. Letting go will hurt. It will. I know it will. But that hurt will end. It will. I know it will. If you stay where you are, it wont end, and that will be your choice.

I know there are many reasons we choose to stay in the friendzone or use it as an escape from reality, and that is fine if it is an informed choice and you are not playing the victim and hurting yourself. But if you are, then it’s time to remove yourself instead of staying stuck. 

Remember, the reason fantasy is better than reality, is because it isn’t real. You will never wake up in the arms of a fantasy. So reality is better, even though that doesn’t always feel true. Feelings aren’t facts. Facts are facts.

I wish you strength whatever path you travel, because either way, you’re going to need it my friend!

❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx

GALentines or PALentines Day! (Again!!)

Well, how quickly this time of year has rolled around once more. A time to celebrate our friends, our friendships and acknowledge that they are just as valuable as connections as any other romantic or familial relationship!

Every year on the 13th of February, I advocate the handing out of yellow roses to your friends, in honour of your friendship, just as I deliver mine to my nearest and dearest too. For some people, a gift, a meal, a card, a heartfelt message or a favour granted feel more appropriate as ways to celebrate their friends.

There is no right or wrong way, as long as you take pause to consider your friends, what they bring to your life, how important they are to you and find a way to let them know, and if possible spend a little time together.

This year, I discovered my phone does this cool thing whereby it pulls up all the images of a person if you click on it, scroll down and select their face. Then you hit show more, and it creates a little video to a tune of all the pictures of that person or you and that person together. You can choose happy or upbeat instrumental music, to sad, sentimental or chill music. Then you just save it to your phone and send it to them.

I can’t get enough of this feature. How simple to send to a friend to celebrate your friendship, remember your good times together and relive memories! It is like a virtual scrapbook! Who doesn’t love a good friendship collage or scrapbook!

If a collage is more your thing, I use an app called PicCollage that lets you select photos, layout, background and some stickers for free. I sent one to my mother-in-law for mother’s day this year as she has done a few pic collages around her house and she loved it.

If you prefer a slideshow to a meaningful licenced song, then I use an app called Movavi and it is awesome as it lets you select a song from your phone library, select any photos and videos you want to use, add cool effects, movement of the clips, how long you want each picture to display for and in which order. This is an awesome way to make a meaningful clip of your friendship to whatever song you and your friend love, or what feels meaningful to you.

Failing that, there is always the free meme generator imgflip so you can use a private photo of your mate and yourself with some hilarious caption, memory, or  warm sentiments.

The point is to get creative, have some fun, and show your friend something really personalised to let them know they were worth some time and effort even if you never seem to be able to find time together as often as you would like.

The only rule is to send it on the 13th of Feb, the day before Valentines because it is more important, and to make sure it says Happy GALentines or PALentines Day. Their challenge, should they choose to accept it is to return the sentiment and pay it forward to other friends.

I can’t do this without all of you. This celebration is important and it needs to take off. It is inclusive of singles and all ages and it is as fun as it is sentimental. So please celebrate this occasion somehow with your friends, and please come back to this post on Facebook and share with us how you did!

Happy GALentines or PALentines day folks! I am off to deliver my yellow roses old school style, cos I am so old! haha

❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx

February! The month of love…. Unless you are in the friendzone? Can you escape or avoid this?

I can’t quite believe it is February already, when and how did this happen? I am still getting used to the idea that it is 2023 and yet here we are rolling into February. I am lucky enough to have found my perfect match and as such I have someone to celebrate Valentines with. Or not. Because it isn’t really a big deal, particularly when you have been together nearly 15 years. But I remember it seemed like a big deal, when I did not have someone to share it with.

If you are single this February, you might be feeling alone, lonely or like the only single person still alive. The older you are, the truer this feels, although on this particular day, nobody is excluded from the acute awareness of their non partnered status. As I have single friends, I know some of them still feel this pain to this day. That is part of the reason celebrating GAL-entines day became important to me. Because it offers inclusion for those feeling a bit lonely, it offers love and care, even if it is of the platonic variety. That still matters.  Nobody wants to feel unloved.

But being totally alone, is probably better than being an almost. I have been an almost many many times before I met my husband, and I have had unrequited feelings for friends of mine almost my whole life, being more queer than my hetero friends. So, despite my current status, I definitely know the pain and anguish of the friendzone.

The over thinking every sentence, every gesture, every look. Hoping to see reciprocation. Waiting for them to realise they were in love with you all along. Wondering if they secretly feel it too but are too frightened to say so for some reason. Feeling elated at every flirtatious laugh or comment and deflated at every ignored text or discussions about people they do have feelings for. It is a torture, partly of your own making.

You could tell them of course, and many do. Sometimes it makes things awkward, and you have to accept point blank that they do not feel the same way. Sometimes the ambiguity fuels them and things ger more confusing. Sometimes you part ways. But at least you are not tortured anymore by thinking about what could’ve been when in reality it was what could never be at all? Asking them if they feel the same way is sometimes the only way out of the situation, although often not in the ways you had hoped.

Is there ever a way out of the friendzone? Not usually. If someone doesn’t think of you that way or feel attracted to you, for whatever reason, it wont change. If you watch shows like Married at First Sight and other dating type reality shows, you will see a pretty big percentage of them who say that first time they lay eyes on their partner that “they weren’t what they expected or hoped for, or weren’t their usual type…” that the feelings almost never develop. The most they can be is friends.

So while there isn’t really a way out of the friendzone, if you find yourself there quite a lot, it might be time to ask yourself why that is. Not because there is something inherently wrong or undesirable about you, but because there is certainly a way to avoid being in the friendzone to begin with. And that is to not pretend you only want to be friends with people you want more with.

Say you meet someone on a dating website and you are really into them and hope to form a relationship and they say “I like to take things slow, can we get to know each other as friends first?” You can be upfront then and there, no matter how attracted you are to them and say “I am happy to take things slow, however I don’t want to be just friends, I would like to date you romantically, and if you aren’t open to that then I’ll have to pass.”

Alternatively, are you friend zoning yourself? For example if you have met someone on an app and you are talking, are you being flirty or friendly? When you meet up, are you intentional about your body language or passive? Do you wait for them to kiss you at the end of the date, or go in for the kiss yourself? I know this is scary territory, especially if you feel insecure or worry secretly that this person is out of your league, but if you have not given them any indication that you are interested in more than friends, maybe they assumed you weren’t

Sometimes you might end up in this situation as a defence mechanism, always attracted to someone unavailable to avoid putting yourself out there and facing possible rejection, and other times perhaps it is because in reality you are also unavailable in your life in some way, and this way you don’t have to make room for someone?

Lastly it can be because the fantasy of someone is better than the reality and somewhere deep down you know you like the idea of them, the fantasy of what you have more than the reality. It is one thing to daydream about your best friend and the connection you have with them, but quite another to actually be with them and deal with their crazy!

My advice is not to become friends with people you find attractive and not to play with any feelings of attractions that may arise once you are already friends if this hits you by surprise unless you are pretty certain they feel the same way. The Nickelback song don’t ever let it end comes to mind. “I know she feels the same way, because she told me drunk on her birthday… but I’m tired of pretending yet I’m terrified of it ending We can laugh as we both pretend, that we’re not in love and we’re just good friends…”

Most of the time we friendzone ourselves, by agreeing to less than we wanted to begin with, by not being clear about what we felt early on, or by selecting people who will by default be unavailable like me with my penchant for straight women or women who always seem to be in love with the handsome married doctor, or the larger, average man who will only date supermodel women for example.) Or simply by idolising people who are good friends and not recognising that this doesn’t always translate into being a good partner or being romantically compatible.

If you are in the friendzone this Valentines day, I have one piece of good news for you. GALentines (or PAL-entines for more inclusion) is my next post, the event falls on 13 Feb, and that is your chance to show your true feelings with a Rose, maybe don’t go for yellow! Be Bold, go Red or go home!

Tune in next week for GAL or PAL-entines post!

❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx

STOP!!!

When the pot can’t see it’s reflection in the kettle!

I have a friend who calls me, and we often stay on the line for up to an hour. The conversations meander, aren’t usually particularly urgent or necessary, except to keep in touch, update each other on our lives and vent about life. I support this notion, we all need people to talk to about everything and nothing. The conversations may not be important, but the bond they create is.

However on New Year’s Eve I found myself particularly annoyed at something my friend said, or rather something she didn’t realise she was saying, or implying during the conversation. She was venting to me about one of her other close friends, how they seem to be growing apart and how let down she was that they didn’t attend a yearly event she hosts when they always have attended in the past. To add salt to the wound, instead they chose to attend someone else’s event.

I understand this hurts, and I understand it, although I have never found myself on the invite list to this particular event. I know there are logical reasons behind this, and should I wish to attend I would not be turned away, but I just sometimes feel it is unwise for my friend to complain to me about this without considering how I might feel that I myself was never invited.

Anyway, I digress. My friend was let down and I understood this and held space for that feeling, validating it and also reassuring her that I am sure her friend didn’t intend to be hurtful although their actions were somewhat careless. They didn’t even inform her they weren’t coming, and that isn’t right. That’s fair. My friend went on to say that she had no new years plans and she had asked this friend and they said they had a dinner reservation with someone else. She was hurt not to be invited, although they did say maybe they would come and visit her after dinner. An idea she scoffed at.

This isn’t the first time she has complained about this person in her life being a bit less than satisfying as a friend at times. They are actually quite close, however she often feels neglected, pushed aside or a bit like a back up plan for this person; an afterthought. When they have nothing better to do. Overall I have to assume this doesn’t bother my friend as much as she makes out, or she only sees each individual offence (not the bigger picture) as they continue their friendship and I doubt she ever holds them accountable for this behaviour.

So I said to my friend that while myself and my family also had no plans for new year’s, she was welcome to join us for dinner, and we could play some games or watch a movie or something. I should say that I knew she wouldn’t come. I wasn’t hanging on her being there. It was not an important or exciting invitation. However, if she didn’t want to be alone, the offer was there. Once she ascertained that we were not going out as I had said we may visit an outdoor cinema, and that nothing exciting was on offer for dinner….  She declined, as I thought she would and thanked me for the invitation. That in itself was mildly offensive as I still believe had we been doing something or putting on a feast, she would have come.

But then she went on to say without invitation that she knew she could always come to us if she got really desperate (that is a direct quote) and just had to get out the house and not be alone, but she had hoped that she would be invited to something with the other crowd. I did not ask if her other friend did stop over after dinner that night, but the implication was clear, that waiting around for a possible visit from them was better than being welcomed with us.

I did hold my friend to account on this matter and let her know I found it offensive. Not only because of this one event, but because there have been several times when the middle of our plans together somehow got interrupted by the beginning of theirs. If this person calls, she wants to make it happen, no matter what, despite the fact that they are not as good or loyal as a friend to her as I am. In fact it may even be because they are not as good. Treat ‘em mean keep ‘em keen certainly seems to be working for her friend in question!

So although my friend tried to apologise and explain her way out of this predicament, and I was able to laugh it off and let it go because it really wasn’t an important invitation of mine she declined, I still think she didn’t see my bigger point that she was complaining to me about someone being a bit of a crappy friend to her when she was in that exact moment doing the same thing to me! Human nature is fascinating isn’t it?

It’s quite common that the things that upset us in other people are actually the same things that we do to others. I wonder why that is? Even now, I bet someone reading this is probably thinking I have done this to them. I probably have. Which is why I have a sense of humour about it and am able to let it go. Apart from this blog, that is. Haha

So my point is, don’t be the pot calling the kettle black. If you are complaining to someone about poor treatment towards you, perhaps make sure you haven’t treated them in the same poor manner first? And be careful of talking too much about your other friends, and your plans with them. For a start it becomes pretty obvious who is more important to you and it usually isn’t the person to whom you are talking…. And it can also rub salt into wounds you may not even realise exist. Your friend may be feeling excluded and rejected and wondering why they aren’t good enough to make it onto your invite list or be someone you want to spend new years with. Or they may just decide to cut their losses and stop inviting you, on those times when you are desperate. And you’ll only realise what you had when it was too late.

It’s good to have a friend with whom you can talk about anything and everything… but just because you can, doesn’t mean you should….

❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx

To Give The Gift, or Not To Give The Gift?

Gifting. For some of us, it is a love language. Some people love to lavish people they care for with gifts, and others love to receive gifts as tokens of appreciation. Many, but not all people who consider gifting a love language of theirs, enjoy giving and receiving gifts equally. There will always be those of us who prefer to give more than receive, and those of us who prefer to receive more than we give. Then there are others amongst us, who actually find the whole thing quite unnecessary and uncomfortable.

When first getting to know someone, this can easily become an issue. If you love to gift, you might accidentally overwhelm the recipient and make them feel badly that they didn’t or aren’t able to reciprocate. Alternatively, they may gift you with a really thoughtful item, while you may have gifted them a more generic item such as a travel mug filled with chocolates. This can leave things feeling unbalanced and like one person’s effort or expectation or investment is higher than the others. It can make one or both parties feel in some way indebted to the other. A debt they did not sign up for.

Who would have thought the simple act of giving a gift could be so complicated and fraught with miscommunication? And it can become even more complicated? What happens if the gift you were intending to give has somehow expired it’s time. For example, a Christmas gift that is sitting under your tree ungifted because you didn’t see that friend in time? Or a gift for an ex colleague purchased when you were still working together but you haven’t really kept in touch since they left? Or worse, a thoughtful and or expensive gift to someone, that you purchased when you were close friends, and have since become more distant with or fallen out with all together?

In all these scenarios, the question of to gift, or not to gift, becomes pretty prominent. Will it send the wrong message? Does it set expectations too high? Is it in line with a gift you would expect to give or receive from someone you haven’t known well, or long? Is it too much? Is it enough? Does it still reflect your true feelings or investment in the person and your relationship as it did at the time it was purchased or crafted?

Readers, if in doubt, I urge you to err on the side of caution and not gift! I know you mean well, honestly. Your intentions were kind, but if you find yourself asking the question, feeling unsure, then your answer is no. Unless you are certain, do not proceed. Especially if you tend to be a bit of an over giver.  Because this only sets you and everyone around you up to fail and for you to feel taken advantage of.

I have made this mistake myself, so I know how easy it can be to get caught up in the festivities or to fight the urge to buy that perfect gift that you saw, which probably was a bit much but you just knew they would love it! Because even if they love the item, the debt they incur as a result can feel totally suffocating. Even if you intended to impress and draw them in closer, it may have the adverse affect and scare them away.

Even if you hoped the gift would serve as some sort of reconciliation, your gift may be rejected. Or worse still, it may be accepted with no effort to reconcile. It may even be seen as a desperate attempt to buy their affections. In reality, a true friend should not be swayed on their feelings about you by what material things you offer them.

If they really like you and want you in their life, then they will make time and space for you regardless, and if they don’t then they never will anyway. So save your time, money and energy on gifting until you know a person well enough to know how they feel about gifting and what their love languages actually are. You might save yourself some grief in the meantime. You don’t have to prove your worth or reward people for being in your life with anything but the gift of continuing to show up for them as the fabulous friend that you are!

To gift or not to gift? Your friendship is a gift and that should be enough.

❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx

If you want to buy this cute greeting card, here is the link:

https://www.rosiemadeathing.co.uk/product/gift-enough-2/

Reaching out to an old friend after a long lapse.

Friendships ebb and flow. Sometimes you don’t necessarily fall out with a friend as much as the friendship just fades away into the background or fizzles out to nothing. Sometimes this can last for months or years. And it can be awkward to know, are you still friends? Is it ok to reach out? Should you just act like nothing happened? Could you? Or do you need to offer excuses and explanations on how and why you unofficially parted ways?

I think this depends on your circumstances. If you can reflect on why you grew apart for that time, what makes you think it might be different now? What do you miss about your friend or your friendship? Do you think you or they have changed enough to make the friendship more viable now? How close were you to begin with? How sudden was the lapse? Did you just ghost one day or slowly stop reaching out to each other in what felt like natural ways to each of you? Do you think your friend was hurt? Was it them or you who pulled away first or more?  

The next set of questions to ask yourself are about what you hope or expect to happen if you do reach out. Are you comfortable with just exchanging an email update and not catching up in person? Or do you wish to resume a more time intensive connection similar to what you shared before? Are those expectations reasonable? Did you move away from your friend in favour of other friends, only to go crawling back when that didn’t work out in your favour? Are you prepared to be accountable for this and have you learned a lesson? Or if this is what happened to you, are you prepared to forgive and forget and try again?

Sometimes life does just take you off on your own paths and there is no animosity and often life will also bring you back together again in similarly natural ways. For example maybe you were close while you were studying, but became less close as you took on jobs and partners and mortgages. Then you later learn you both had a baby around the same time or moved to the same area or work for the same company and things naturally re-spark.

However, sometimes you have to be more forward in bringing about the change yourself. It could be that you saw something that reminded you of them and you suddenly felt an urge to get in touch. Or social media prompted you with a memory and you started feeling nostalgic, realising that you missed them more than you care to realise. Or perhaps you are going through a hard time and they were always the one person who knew exactly what you needed even when you didn’t know yourself.

Maybe you don’t really know how or why life got in the way and you stopped being intentional about your friend, but you would like to start being intentional again.

Once you have understood what happened, what you expect or hope to happen, your own intentions and how much you have to offer moving forward, the next step is actually reaching out. And there is only one answer to this – just do it! The general idea is that in person is always better, but in these circumstances I actually feel perhaps an email, letter or text message of some sort is better.

This allows your friend time to read and respond to you if they want to, in their own time, having given thought to their own thoughts and feelings and hopes and expectations. Give your friend time to process and respond before you give up hope. Don’t give them an ultimatum, such as, if I don’t hear from you in a week I will assume you no longer want to be friends, try to leave it  open ended such as hoping to hear from you if you ever get time.

Tell your friend about your life, what has changed, what has happened in your time apart. Acknowledge that you do not know what is happening in their own life, and you would be interested to hear if they are willing to share. Definitely tell them that you have missed them and thought about them at times, (only if that is true) and you wondered if they had felt similarly. If you feel you owe them an apology, offer it, and if you want to offer an explanation, try and keep it brief and light. Remember, you want to move forward not spend too much time looking back.

Close the communication by thanking them for their time and your years of friendship. Tell them you still have fond memories and always will, regardless of the outcome, and that you wish them nothing but the best, and hope they are happy and healthy in life.

If they do not respond, respect that. I am not saying you can never try again, but give it a while before you do try again and do not try more than 2 or 3 times to resume communication. No response is a response.

Then move forward, slowly and rebuild. Accept that your friendship has to be a new one, it cannot just go back to being the way that it was. You have to get to know one another slowly, reform connections and build up momentum and trust. Or alternatively, move on alone and put that effort towards building a new friendship which could be as epic as your old one, even without a shared history.

But ultimately, the only way to reach out after a long lapse, is really to take the plunge and press send. Then wait and see!

❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx

Couple Goals for Frouples! (Friend Couples!)

Welcome to January and 2023 folks! Do you have any new years resolutions? If you’re anything like me, they’re probably the same ones you always set but never achieve? Lol Some people are great at setting goals and achieving them all by themselves, while others of us do better when we are part of a team, working towards a common goal. This might be because we don’t want to let other people down, or it might be because we are competitive or it might be because we do better when someone is there holding us accountable to those goals.

Whichever category you fall into, setting some combined or common goals can be a great way to strengthen your friendship and to achieve things you might not otherwise achieve. It doesn’t matter if the goal is work oriented, life oriented, travel or financial based or some sort of health and fitness goal.

You could set these goals with one friend, or a few at a time. Depends on how much you think you can commit to as a whole without impacting your life and  your time too heavily. You may decide to plan and save for a girly getaway at the end of the year with one friend, committing to putting aside $100 a week towards it each, while with another friend you agree to go early morning walking twice a week for a year and do your measurements and record them for one another once a month.

Similarly you may agree to do a weekly evening dinner with a friendly colleague to work and brainstorm, or even to do the weekly catch up but no discussing work. Or you may decide to try a new hobby together, take a class or learn a language together. Perhaps if you were both single you could agree to swipe for one another or go on at least one double date a month. If you are married with kids maybe one Saturday a month you agree to have each other’s kids, or get together to clean one house then the other the following fortnight.

These are all just suggestions, of course you will know what is important to you or what you would like to achieve, and which friends might be the right ones to join you in support. It gives each of you a reward at the end, and each of you a chance to be the motivator when the other gets low or loses interest. It also keeps you accountable to doing what you said you would do, or the other person could lose their reward.

It could bring you closer as you spend more time collaborating on your plans and orchestrating them, and allows each of you to really see and understand your strengths and weaknesses. It also highlights what motivates each of you so you can better support each other in all areas of your lives.

Of course, it isn’t without its risks. If someone does drop the ball the other party could be hurt, or you may find that their lack of motivation at times fuels your own and you could easily both give up. Which is why you have to commit to the goal, set a time period, and commit to being positive and staying on track when the other person feels like giving up. You also have to commit to checking in to make sure the goal is still achievable and if it isn’t, how to adjust it to meet the circumstances. For example putting aside less money and going on a less expensive trip, or changing the days/times you meet etc….

All goals do require commitment and accountability but also flexibility and fun. Nobody will commit to something  that is making them miserable without much reward, so it is a good excuse to also be setting yourselves up for success with rewards along the way and enjoyment mixed with encouragement and ways to meet the goals instead of excuses not to!

At the end of the day, there is no guarantee that this will work. Most resolutions fail for a reason. But it might be worth a try. It might even be fun and  you might even benefit if you do happen to have success?

What are your goals this year? Could a friend help you achieve them? What are your friends goals? Could you help them get success?

❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx

Lessons this New Year, or just Less?

Happy new year readers! Usually these posts are filled with resolutions, more goals to meet, more things to do, more ways to be more productive. But I actually don’t believe more is the answer. Perhaps sometimes, less is more? Perhaps your new year goal should be to do less, to be less and to expect less. Of yourself and of others.

Maybe some of us even need to be less? Gosh, that doesn’t sound good! I know that. People who love you will and should love all of you. But if 2022 hit you with the same message it hit me with, it was definitely that I am too much for some people.

The email I sent the teacher, was too long and overwhelmed her. The gift I got a friend was “too much” and made her feel bad somehow. My size was too big, I needed to take up less room. My feelings were an over-reaction, they needed to be toned down. I reply to messages too fast and too often. I am too nice. I try too hard. And for whatever reason, it is really off putting to a lot of people!

I stand by being too much. 100%. I am who I am. I have a lot to offer and I will offer it. The right people for me will love how much I am. They may get overwhelmed by me occasionally, but they will persevere because they know I am worth it. They understand my intentions are good. And they know at the times that I am too much, that is because of their own issues. They have less to offer, so accepting my generosity makes them feel a pressure to reciprocate in kind.

I don’t expect reciprocation in kind. I let the people who love me, show their affection in ways that are natural and congruent with themselves. I don’t expect them to be over the top even if I am. That said, then that makes the other party feel like I am putting in more than they are. That I am being a better friend, and so inadvertently I make people feel bad about themselves and their level of friendship by being too much.

So instead of kind of insisting that I should be able to be as much as I like, perhaps 2023 is the year to work on being as much as someone else can handle. Meeting them only at the level to which they feel comfortable and reciprocating their investment instead of making them feel bad that they can’t reach where I am at. That would not mean being any less of myself. It would mean giving less of myself. It sounds simple, and yet it is an area I struggle with.

This is because I like giving. I like making people feel good about themselves. And, if I am honest, I like feeling as though I am offering something of value that might make them not want to leave me. But all of those statements are about me and what I like. So if I am blindly giving to people and making them feel badly about themselves despite my best intentions, then I am not being kind at all am I?

If I always pick up the bill, then they feel like they are cheap or gold digging. If I always over gift then their genuine gifting efforts look measly. If I always do things for them but never need help myself, then they feel like they are using me. If I always hug hello and goodbye but they don’t, then they feel cold. If I always have positive things to say, they might feel like they are wrong for speaking up about any discomfort.

In a way, being too much is my insurance policy against people leaving. But it has the unfortunate effect of trapping people in a situation where they have no reason to leave and yet an inexplicable desire to escape!

So this year I want to try to do less. I intend to sit back and see what the people in my life bring to the table and meet them there. Instead of me making all the effort and them struggling to reciprocate, I will let them make the effort and that will tell me what level they can handle.

They can make plans with me. Everyone can pay for themselves. If they give me a handmade gift I will do the same. If they don’t do gifts, I wont either. If they don’t message or call, I will let silence fall comfortably until they do. I already know I am enough without the bells and whistles.

So my new years resolution is just to be me, more gently and quietly, and see who is there for that, and let go of anyone who really did just want the bells and whistles. They aren’t my people anyway.

That said, I will still value the people who keep up the pace without me initiating. I still am too much. I still have a lot to give and I still want to give it. I’ll just make sure I give it in return to those who earn it this year, and learn not to burn the rest.

❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx

Merry Christmas to my Family, Friends, Fans and Followers

Hello loyal Readers, '

Thank you for another year of support. I hope you all continue to enjoy, read, share, like, and follow my posts in 2023 and beyond.

I am sure most of you have lots of last minute things to organise for Christmas, as do I , despite my best efforts and tips and tricks to get prepared for Christmas these past few months! So I wont waste your time on a lengthy post today!

This one goes out to all my procrastinators out there!

Check out my post from 2020 here if you are looking for some Christmas memes to send to family and friends!

Merry Christmas to you all.

❤ Love
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx

Cute Christmas Foods to Impress Your Friends

It doesn’t matter if you are hosting a holiday party or not, almost every year there will be some reason why you are required to bring a plate or prepare a plate. Maybe your kid has to bring a plate to class or the playgroup is doing a cute kiddies lunch. Maybe you are invited to an annual potluck party, or everyone in the office is bringing an informal Christmas lunch to share around. If you are like me and not great in the kitchen, then this post is for you. Most of these cute food ideas are actually quite simple, yet manage to look impressive!

Christmas pudding biscuits

Ok, so you buy a packet of those chocolate covered biscuits with marshmallow on top of the base, drizzle white icing or chocolate over the top, add 2 red Smarties or M&M’s, and a mint leaf lolly cut in half. They are quick and easy to prepare, and super cute too.

https://theorganisedhousewife.com.au/recipes/christmas-recipes/christmas-treats/cheats-mini-christmas-puddings/

Rudolph Caramel Tarts

All you need is store bought caramel tarts, pretzels, a marshmallow and some sort of red candy stuck on with icing or white melted chocolate and you have an adorable Christmas themed dessert!

https://www.daringcoco.com/2014/12/food-porn-thursdays-rudolph-reindeer.html

Savory candy cane platter

Tomato and crackers platter arranged to look like a giant candy cane. One cracker, one slice of tomato, repeat into the shape! Simple, savory and effective.

https://www.hy-vee.com/recipes-ideas/recipes/candy-cane-caprese

Christmas tree salad.

Arrange your lettuce underneath to vaguely represent the shape of a Christmas tree. Add mini tomatos, arranged as baubles or lights, with yellow or green tomatoes or peppers, sprinkle with bacon and cheese. Make a star shape out of cheese for the top. Place gifts made of capsicum squares at the bottom, piped with spray cheese and there you have it!

https://twohealthykitchens.com/chicken-cobb-christmas-tree-holiday-salad/

Candy Cane Place holders.

Stick 3 small candy canes together upside down so that each one faces a different direction and add in a business card sized cardboard either with guest names or gift names. Each person can take one home when they leave!

https://www.mrfood.com/Candy/Candy-Cane-Place-Card-Holders

Christmas cake

If you like traditional fruit Christmas cake, buy one already iced, or if you prefer another flavour, any white iced cake will do. Arrange green candies on the cake in the shape of a triangle, adding a different colour sporadically to represent a light or decoration. Add a star lolly at the top and maybe a liquorice base for the pot and the cake just became a Christmas cake!

If you are a little bit more skilled you can cover a washed and dried leaf with melted white chocolate with green food colouring in it. Make it a thickish layer. Leave it to set and peel the leaf off. This can also work with leaves you drew and cut out on baking paper. When you peel the backing away, you are left with a chocolate leaf. 3 of those with some red candies in the middle make for a great holly decoration.

https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/79938962119800852/

https://www.glutenfreealchemist.com/christmas-cake-decorating-tips-25-icing-ideas/

Fruit Salad Santa Hats

Cut large strawberries at both ends. Slice a banana. Put a strawberry on the banana slice, and add a tiny bit of white icing or a mini marshmallow to the top and you have cute little healthy dessert platter.

https://happyhealthymama.com/strawberry-banana-santa-hats.html

These are just a few of the ideas, but they will wow your friends and you can whip them up at the last minute without looking lazy. And it will distract them from the fact that you didn’t really cook anything or put in any effort, without going  totally store bought. Alternatively just get the store bought option, nobody really cares if it tastes good! Haha

❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx

Gift alternatives for friends that are hard to buy for.

Some people are hard to buy for. Some people buy for themselves whatever they need. Some people have tastes that exceed your budget. Some people are environmentally conscious or prefer not to receive gifts for many given reasons. Some people hate clutter or find the whole gift giving thing a big commercialised rort. Some people don’t like to receive because they cannot afford to reciprocate. So this post is to give a few suggestions for what to give if you are low on funds, or if they don’t like gifts or you just don’t really know what to give them but want to acknowledge the occasion and your friendship.

Donations to Charity

Even if the person in question hates this idea, they are unlikely to say so! But it works better if you consider a charity that is close to your friends heart or has impacted them in some way and make a donation in their name or with reference to them. Someone might like you to buy or name a star, with the funds going to research to space, or someone else may appreciate a donation to the breast cancer foundation if they lost someone or know someone suffering from the condition.

Entries into competitions.

Many magazines and shopping centres do promotional prizes at this time of year. Nominate them as a best friend, buy a raffle ticket in their name, buy a lotto ticket or scratchy, or do all of the above. Tell them that is your plan and to accept any winnings from anything even if they don’t recall entering!

Vouchers for experiences or services.

These can be store gift cards, a voucher for a massage or pedicure, or a car detailing. But they don’t have to be commercial. You can make up your own free vouchers for them to use. You could do monthly coupons and what you put in them is up to you! A coffee date one month, you washing their car another, you buying them an ice-cream or treating them to a movie. A dinner at your house or fresh baked cake or cookies by you. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive, but it serves as a way to catch up all year round and lets them know you took extra care creating this personalised set up.

The photo slideshow video.

This one takes preparation in advance. All year, commit to taking photos of your friend. Some with you, some with their family or pets, some silly, some serious. If you are long term friends you may have enough of these to start, but if you want to do this every year, you need consistent new material. Research a song that suits your friendship or a Christmas song or even a Christmas Friendship song. Compile all the photos you like of your friend and you or their people and make it into a slide show to pop into their inbox on Christmas eve or Christmas morning to send them love and cheer. You can personalise it with captions, or send a nice message along with it. Your friend is sure to love it and play it with whomever sits around their table this year. There are plenty of easy apps that can do this for you from your phone, or you could even go old school and just make a collage! Either with printed pictures or digitally.

Memberships and subscriptions

If you don’t know what your friend wants for Christmas but you know they love cheese or barbequing, then there are clubs and subscriptions you can join them up for where they get a different cheese or spice delivered each month to try. There are beauty ones and health ones and pet ones. Whatever they like, you can probably find a subscription club. Or there are literal magazines. Or maybe they have a gym membership you could pay for a year, a car registration or a theatre club that would get them cheap tickets to their local cinema or theatre. A pay TV subscription, or Christmas hamper thing. There are limitless options here. And most people love the idea but wouldn’t buy it for themselves. Maybe your parents would like Netflix but don’t know how to set it up or are funny about automatic online billing or just don’t want to pay for TV?

Letter of Love

Sometimes there is simply nothing better than receiving a heartfelt card or letter, expressing exactly how you feel, gratitude, shared memories, apologies, laughter and tears. When it comes down to it, we all want to feel appreciated and valued and loved. Many people feel a bit down at this time of year, and just to know they are thought of and regarded warmly, remembered, is all it takes to put some joy and warmth back into their heart. It doesn’t have to be long, but it has to have meaning. If you miss them say so, but follow through on seeing them or keeping in touch more. If you don’t ever see or speak to them then send this sentiment as though you are best friends, it may fall on deaf ears or seem ingenuine. So make it real and make it matter.

Whatever you choose to do this year for your friends, make sure you are thinking of them and their interests not things you would like for yourself. And if you are an on-gifter be very careful the things you gifted are sealed and complete, do not have notes on them from the person who gifted to you and did not come from the same person you are on-gifting it to! Please also try and make sure it is something they like or want, otherwise it is best donated to charity.

If you have other ideas to add to the list, I’d love to hear them in the comments section below!

❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx

Christmas Traditions With Friends

Most of us have family traditions at Christmas. They might be minimal like always serving mums potato salad or trifle, or obvious like always opening gifts on Christmas morning. Some of them may be quite specific to your family to honour the memory of a loved one, or specific to your culture like celebrating on Christmas eve. But there are other’s of us who perhaps don’t have family, who would very much enjoy ways to get involved in traditions and build up to the day. Or there are just those of us who get so excited about Christmas that we want to find ways to celebrate with more people.

There is also a large percentage of people who find it all very overwhelming and stressful, and would love to make traditions with friends to celebrate whilst also helping each other get stuff done! There is no right or wrong way, and no real reason is needed. You don’t even need to say you want to start a tradition, but you may find if it is successful, it may become one regardless!

Here are some annual ideas that may become traditions with friends!

Christmas baking day.

Either you all get together and spend the day baking, drinking wine, listening to Christmas music, sharing recipes and tips and bake all sorts of puddings and pies, cookies and slices and whatever else needs to be made. Or each of you takes control of one recipe and you make big batches and share them out between you.

Gift Wrapping Party

This is a day where you all get together with gift wrap and sticky tape and labels and scissors and ribbons and boxes and bows. You all bring a suitcase of presents. One suitcase at a time, you help wrap and label each other’s gifts. It can be done all in one night or one night a week per load of gifts. You can have stations with one person cutting paper, one person wrapping, one person writing labels and one person adding tags and bows. Or each person can do all of the above and if there are 4 of you for example, then there will be 4 presents at a time being wrapped! Bonus points if you each swap “Santa Labels.” So person 4 writes the labels for person 1, person one writes them for person 2 etc…. This can be done in advance and does not need to be number specific. Just write a whole roll of 100 labels divided by how many kids/family members will be receiving Santa gifts as directed by your friend. Left overs can be used for next year.

Decorating days

This one kind of requires either a yearly or weekly rotation whereby you each visit one members house and help them assemble and decorate their tree, and otherwise decorate. Brownie points if it also includes a group effort to pack them all away.

Shopping Days

Who doesn’t love a shopping trip with friends? You each come with lists prepared and get shopping. Maybe one person buys all the things from Target and the other from the toy store. Or maybe it is easier to go together to each shop. Before you leave, you have a coffee, check off those lists and brainstorm ideas if anyone is a bit stuck. Try and make sure it is all done by the time you head home.

Movie Night

I cannot be the only person who loves Christmas Movies? Maybe you have a classic you watch every year or like to watch a new one every year, but after all that preparation, I think you and your friends deserve a fun chill night just watching a movie and getting into the Christmas Spirit! You can have snacks and drinks and takeaway, whatever makes the night as fun and easy as possible.

Look at the lights

I know many people save this treasured activity for Christmas Eve, but as the lights tend to appear in early December, why not take advantage of that, get a group together and burn a few extra calories in preparation for the festivities? Go for a stroll in the most lit up neighbourhood, take selfies and group pictures. Take hilarious silly snaps of someone kissing Santa or someone photobombing that nativity scene. Compare notes and get ideas for things you might like to include in your own display if you have one or how to start small if you don’t but you would like to try. You could even do a stroll once a week in everyone’s local neighbourhood if you’re really keen, or do a city lights tour if you have one available.

Carols by Candlelight.

It doesn’t matter if you are religious or not, carols by candlelight can be a fun and festive way to spend an evening as a group or a couple. The music and the atmosphere and the magic. You can bring a picnic if you live in warmer climates or hot cocoa and coffee if it is cold where you live at Christmas. You can sing along, or dance, or just enjoy the music, letting it flood over you and fill you with that excitement and joy this season brings.

Volunteer work.

Hampers need to be delivered to the needy. Gifts for children and food for families. Homeless shelters need people to collect and cook and serve meals. Clothing drives. Whatever your way of giving back to the community is, almost all charities need a little extra at this time of year. Pet food and blankets for the animal shelters that quickly fill each January, or a simple gift under the charity tree for a 10 year old boy. Fundraisers. Assistance for the elderly who have nobody at this time of year. There are so many ways to give back, that I am sure you could all get together once a year, pick a charity to help with and donate your time.

Pamper session.

This one has to be a favourite of mine. Whether you make someone’s home into a day spa for the day, and give each other makeovers, facial, manicures and pedicures, massages and more, or if you hire a professional or go to a spa…. most of us do end up doing the nails and hair and facials etc before Xmas anyway so why not do it together? If you go somewhere you may even get a group discount! Book early!

Remember, you can do all or none, a combination of a few, or chop and change each year depending on your circumstance. But if we all come together, even the grinchiest of people feel a little happier at this time of year, because sharing is caring and it takes a village!

❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx

Ten Reasons To Be Thankful For Your Friendships This Thanksgiving!

I know you are grateful for your friends already, especially if you have good friends. I encourage you to reach out to your friends individually to let them know just how thankful you are to have them in your life. This post is about being thankful for friendships in general. Past, present and future! Here are 10 of the best things about friendships!

1.      They keep your secrets.

Right from grade school when your friend didn’t tell the teacher that it was you who took the cookie off her desk, to high school when they didn’t tell anyone about that time you asked out your crush and were rejected, through to adult life when they didn’t tell anyone the secret with much bigger consequences. It’s unlikely these were the same friend, but each of them had your back when you needed it, was there for you and laughed with you, not at you.

2.      They support you.

Not only don’t your friends judge you, they actively support you. Think of the friend who lent you her designer suit for that interview, or the friend who picks up your kid from school when you are sick and can’t go yourself. The friend who answers no matter what time you call and the friend who is full of endless encouragement and belief in you even when your belief in yourself is running low.

3.      Loving you.

Some friendships are full of roses and expressions of love endlessly, whereas others are more stoic. But a true friend loves you and you feel that. Think of that time they surprised you with tickets to your favourite band, or how you are always the first person they want to spend time with. Think of the hugs and the tears of pain and laughter shared. Your friends have loved you in just the ways you needed when nobody else could.

4.      The Good Times

Most of our favourite memories involve our friends. Childhood memories and adult memories alike, friends are what has made life fun. Evenings in and evenings out, events and parties and concerts. Laughing endlessly at nothing an everything. Making good decisions that turned out bad and making bad decisions that made amusing memories. Think of photos and the big cheesy grins and being your full unfiltered self. Friendships are worth their weight in gold for the good times alone.

5.      Choosing you.

Your friends didn’t love you because they had to, but because of all the strangers waiting to become potential friends, they loved you the best! Then they kept on choosing you for as long as it lasted. Even if it didn’t last forever, it feels pretty awesome to be chosen at all!

 6.      Growing with you

Friendships that have lasted, will have morphed and changed. You will have grown as a person and so will your friend, and your friendship will have grown and stretched to allow each of you the freedom to be yourselves independently while still staying connected. It may have grown through being at different colleges, dating different people, through different careers, marriages and kids, or even through living in different countries. Friendships that grow with you always fit!

7.      Teaching you.

Regardless of how much parents and teaches try to guide and teach us, some of the most important lessons about love and life come from your friendships. They hurt sometimes and you have to navigate that. You learn accountability and honesty and communication and about expectations. They teach you about your limits and peer pressure and acceptance. Friendships are not practise for other relationships (romantic or professional) but they do allow us to build the foundations we need to read other people,  be appropriate and empathetic and tactful. Where would we be without those life skills?

8.      Listening to you.

Friends are the people who listen to us the most, because they are the ones we talk to the most. They hold space for you to be who you are and feel what you feel. They don’t solve problems for you or judge you, they just act as a sounding board for crazy ideas, heartbreak, venting and anger, and just general random conversation so you don’t feel alone.  They don’t tire of hearing you talk about the same things over and over, they are just happy to be there for you and have you be there to listen to them in return. Feelings and thoughts can be overwhelming when kept inside, so a friendship is the safest place to air them!

9.      Forgiveness.

In a true deep friendship, there is inevitably times when you let each other down. When you mess up and really hurt someone as a result. Not only do these friendships allow you to feel safe in learning to be humble and apologise, they also offer forgiveness in ways that soothe the soul. They do this because they know you and they know the good in you and they believe that you didn’t mean to hurt them. They also teach you to forgive too, as you realise how much better forgiveness feels than grudges and anger.

10.   Acceptance.

Friendships offer a sense of acceptance that helps us accept ourselves. Our parents might not accept our career choices, sexuality or lifestyle, size, partner or many other things, but friendships tend to take you as you are. And in that beautiful acceptance of theirs, you learn to accept yourself just the way you are. To see your good qualities, to see what you have accomplished and to just be there with you wherever you are on your journey.

There is so much to be thankful for about friendships. They bring so much happiness and peace. So please give thanks to your friends today and acknowledge all your friendships and how they influenced the person you are today. Chances are you wouldn’t be the same without them!

Happy Thanksgiving! Thank you for being a friend, family member, fan or follower. I am truly grateful.

❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx